A Summer Place : With my Father...

A summer place is where I am, whenever I think of my Father. He passed on.. on the 7th October, 1999.

He taught me many things, my Father did... Sometimes I would listen, and sometimes he would make me sit through his lectures.. which I didnt really appreciate.

He gave me the love of music and dance, and he gave me love of fine food and entertaining.

He gave me the thought of fine literature.. Shakespeare to be exact, and the value of reading.. and when things got tough, his ways gently pushed me into a world of imagining.

He also taught me about God sometimes, and of God's Rules, that He Set for us. He told me of things I should look out for in making people happy.. perhaps it was because he himself was a very sad man, sometimes. He never said it, but somehow I knew. He was so sad. How my heart hurts for my Father sometimes.

He was schooled in London. He had a very VERY rich father, you know.. He had been to Paris, France, and he had been to Cologne, Germany. He told me that he had had a German girlfriend called Helga Kuten, and there was a picture I had kept for many years, of a beautifully handsome young Elyas Majeed, and an equally handsome man with a beard, named Hans Kuten.

Did I also tell you that though I am a Tamizhachchi through and through and through... Alhamdulillah, but my thinking is half-wired to be a Vellaikkaarachchi, as well? That's another gift my Father gave me. Which fork to use for what dish, and which spoon should be placed where.

My Father had been a terribly romantic man, and he enjoyed entertaining his friends so much. I used to remember, we used to have the odd party occasionally in our house, with extremely loud Mancini or Mantovani music on vinyl records, great food and my mother.. wearing a chunky gold chain, her Thaali, and colourful silk sarees, with her hair pulled up high in buns like Audrey Hepburn. I so wanted that life for myself too, when I grew up.

However, somethings changed in my parents' lives. They fell into discord. They started disagreeing more and more each day. It was so sad to see two people who were so much in love with each other fall out of love. I guess that is a risk that ALL people take when they get married, no? You are not GUARANTEED Happiness with the one you marry. I should know.

So my Father slowly withdrew into himself. He started seeing my Mother in the children. He even stopped talking to me when my first marriage broke down, drawing comparison between me and my Mother. I was so, SO Sad; that I had lost TWO men, both of whom I loved.

I wish I could somehow heal my Father, but he is no more... Now, all I can think of doing is reading the Yaasin for him, and making duaa that he is comfortable where he is. I know I could have made my Father happy if I had been his wife... Subhaana Allah... a classic Elektra/Oedipus syndrome? I shouldnt have said that.. He is my FATHER.

I like making people happy. Somehow, I know when People are sad.. no matter how wide they smile. I guess its because I do it too. I wish to help people, and maybe find someone just like me, so that we could be happy together... in shaa Allah.

"And the sweet secret of a summer place
Is that it's anywhere when two people share
All their hopes, all their dreams, all their love"

Whenever I listen to his music, when I am alone and miss him... Mancini, and Mantovani, and Manuel's Rodrigo's Concertos No. 5, My Father sits with me again, quietly, and listens with me. He used to listen to some Arabic music too, but I am unable to locate it online or otherwise..

I must ask my Mother where the book of Taubah is - so I can ask for Taubah on behalf of my Father and also for myself... And hope that In Shaa Allah, Allah would accept the evils and the sins that my Father had committed and of what evils and sins I had committed... In Shaa Allah, I can do this before the doors of Repentance close. Aameen.

Please make duaa for me and my Family, in shaa Allah.

Much Love
R.